Mind Over Matter
by Mills87
Summary: Hermione was raped while at Malfoy manor and now finds herself pregnant. She knows she has to protect her child from its father, and decides she needs to find someone else willing to help her raise the baby as his own. Who would be willing to help her? Can she marry someone she doesn't love? Mentions rape but no details.
1. Chapter 1

Hey this story may have sporadic updates as I have two other stories on the go and an infant, but I will update the story that gets the most reviews first.

Mind Over Matter

Hermione pulled herself up off the bathroom floor gave herself a metal shake and forced her rational mind to over take her panic and hysteria. She had been pushing aside the obvious signs for too long. She wanted to put everything that happened to her at Malfoy Manor to the deepest pits of her mind and pretend it never happened, she even had been considering obliviating herself, but it seems fate will not let her run from her nightmare. She could not obliviate her memories of what they did to her when she had living proof growing inside of her right now.

Hermione had been using all the chaos of the final battle and the grief from all the lost lives as a smoke screen for her withdrawn and emotional state for the past few weeks and even her illness for the last week and a half, claiming her body was just physically worn out emotionally and physically. It was only through the sheer strength of her mind that she had been able to keep herself together, mind over matter she kept telling herself. She had been fighting a constant battle within herself for over a month using her rational mind to keep her emotional despair in check. She didn't want anyone to know her shame, she had every intention to continue to force the nightmare away and go on with her life; her rational mind having won the argument that to slip into a state of self-despair and pity would only allow her attacker more satisfaction and continued control over her.

However, her newly discovered (although to be completely honest, acknowledged might be the more fitting term) condition had her reeling for a new plan. She had had her suspicions for over two weeks but had stubbornly not allowed the thought to fully form, her rational side allowing her emotional side this win because rationally she knew if the thought turned to be reality it would be a devastating blow. But she couldn't ignore the truth anymore a simple spell had given her the confirmation last night. She had allowed herself last night and this morning to grieve and wallow in self-pity but as it was now nearing midday it was time to pull herself together and come up with a plan, after-all she was now responsible for another life.

Her rational mind took over and started going through a checklist:

Step one accept that she was pregnant, check.

Step two, are you keeping the baby? Even-though she knew that even most of the most hardened pro-life activist would at the very least be sympathetic to her not wanting to cary a part of her rapist within her for nine months, she still couldn't even bring herself to seriously consider it. This baby was half of her as well and she knew she couldn't hurt her baby for it's fathers' crime.

Step three, how are you going to keep the baby safe from it's father? The answer to that was easy - he could never know, how to keep him from finding out was going to be a lot more difficult. The only thing she could think of was to pass the child off as someone else's, but she refused to deceitfully seduce a man and trap him with another man's baby, that would make her no better than her attacker. Sleeping with someone under any sort of false pretence was equivalent to rape as far as she was concerned. And being a victim herself she thought her vote should count for a lot. She would need someone who knew the truth but was willing to raise the child with her. Her first thought was of Ron, but a strong voice in her mind insisted that he would not be man enough to stand by her once he knew the truth. Plus, other than that one snog at the battle they hadn't discussed where they were and had only held hands and had a few kisses god nite. It hurt, but her rational side accepted the possibility that he couldn't handle this and tried to prepare her for it.

Not for the first time she was tempted to curse Harry for being too noble and saving that ferret's ass, he should have let him burn. But it was not her friend's fault that he was a hundred times the man that Draco only wished he could be. She knew he would regret that decision himself when he finds out what really happened to her. She allowed herself a few more tears over the pain and guilt she knew Harry would feel over what happened to her, but she was determined not to let him blame himself, if she couldn't wallow, neither could he. She knew she needed help and someone to talk to, not wanting to upset Harry any earlier than necessary and knowing that the situation really called for a woman's perspective she finished freshening herself up and headed out to find Ginny.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione didn't know if she was relieved or not when she entered the room she was sharing with Ginny and saw her sitting on her bed reading, but she was pretty sure that if Ginny wasn't there she would have lost her nerve. Time to rip-off the bandaid. But before Hermione could figure out where to start Ginny waved her wand and cast a muffliato and said "Hey Hermione where have you been, Harry and Ron are off having some guy time with George, I thought we could hang, you have been very sick lately I am worried about you I know you all went through a lot and most of what you guys had to deal with probably hasn't fully registered. I know Harry has talked to me a few times about things that just randomly come back to him and he feels like he wants to just fall over a weep. I want you to know I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. You have not been yourself since the war, I know that we lost many loved ones and are processing everything, but I can tell there is something more going on, I'm just not sure what. No pressure, but I muffliatoed the room so we would have privacy if you want to talk, if your not ready yet I understand, just make sure you let me know when you are, anytime, anyplace."

Hermione was flabbergasted and touched that Ginny cared so much for her that she seemed to sense that Hermione needed her now of all times. She stood stunned for a minute trying to process where to start when she suddenly heard the words "I'm Pregnant" slip out of her own mouth without conscious thought. She put her hands over her mouth half in an attempt to reclaim the spoken words as well as to prevent anything else from slipping out unaware.

Ginny stared at her in shock for a minute then scrambled off the bed ant ran to hug Hermione. "I am going to kill Ron" she joked as she hugged her friend.

"It's not Ron's" Hermione heard herself choke out without permission again as she was being squeezed by her friend. She immediately felt Ginny's arms fall off her.

"What do you mean, who's is it?" Ginny questioned trying not to sound too judgemental and reminding herself that Hermione is her friend. As she was trying to think of who it could possibly be a horrible thought entered her mind. "It's not Harry's is it?" she asked before even thinking it through.

That question got Hermione's brain working again. "What! No way, Ginny, Harry loves you and is loyal to a fault, he would never do that to you. Not to mention that it would be like sleeping with my brother."

Ginny relaxed "I am so sorry, Hermione. I know neither you or he would ever, my mouth just acted before my brain could catch up."

"I know the feeling" Hermione replied trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Hermione, what is going on, I know you are not the type to sleep around, which is why I thought maybe Harry, I know that Ron left you two alone and thought maybe things changed between you, if not Harry or Ron who? I can not think of any other guy that you are close enough to to even entertain the idea of sleeping with them." Ginny asked trying to push the story along as her curiosity was killing her.

Hermione took a deep breath "It happened when we were at Malfoy Manor" Hermione started. Ginny looked confused. "Bellatrix was torturing me to try and find out how we got the sword of Gryffindor, she thought it was in her vault at Gringotts but that one was a fake. When the cruciatus wasn't getting her any results she decided to try to emotional torture instead."

Ginny gasped realizing what Hermione was trying to tell her. "No Hermione. NO! Where were Harry and Ron, Harry has told me about that night a few times he still has nightmares about it, he blames himself for you getting hurt, but he never mentioned anything about r-r-rape." Ginny now had tears pouring down her cheeks and had returned to hugging Hermione.

"They don't know, I didn't want anyone to know, I wanted to pretend it never happened, but obviously with the baby that can't happen anymore."

"God Hermione, how have you been keeping this all to yourself, I would have gone mad. Do you know who the father is" Ginny asked delicately.

Hermione released herself from the hug and wrapped her arms around herself as if to protect herself from the memory. She nodded and sat on the bed unable to keep herself up anymore as the nightmare was replaying in her mind. Ginny came and sat beside her and put her arm around her shoulders. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but your safe here. I swear I will do everything in my power to protect you from the monster."

Hermione took a stuttering breath "Bellatrix said that I presented the perfect opportunity for Draco to reaffirm himself in the eyes of the Dark Lord because he failed to kill Dumbledore, he needed to prove that he was not weak to help the family reclaim their standing in Voldermort's court."

"I will kill that ferret, and to think I was so proud of Harry for saving that scum, he should have let him burn, he is going to hate himself for that as well when he finds out." Ginny said.

"I don't want to hurt Harry, that is one of the main reasons I didn't want to say anything, I know he will blame himself for everything, he always does, promise me you will help me kick his ass if he does."

"Of course, I will help him through all this just like I will for you and my little niece of nephew." Hermione spun around to look Ginny in the eye clearly surprised. Ginny misunderstanding Hermione's action questioned "are you not going to keep the baby, I will understand if that is your choice, sorry for assuming."

"No I am going to keep it, I thought about abortion to be truthful but the baby is part me and it didn't seem right to punish it for it's father's crime. I was just surprised that you called the baby your niece or nephew, this is going to hurt Ron and everyone so much I wouldn't blame them if they hate me."

"I will never let that happen. This is not your fault Hermione, and if that idiot brother of mine has half a brain he will not let this come between you. My family will never abandon you even if he does, of that I would bet my life on. You are like the sister I never had and even if you don't end up becoming one through marriage I will always think of you as such"

Hermione now had tears of joy in her eyes but pushed forward "I know keeping the baby will be difficult, Draco can never find out, can you imagine what he would do to the baby if he found out his precious pure-blood line had been sullied. How am I going to keep the baby safe? I thought about telling everyone that I just got drunk at a muggle bar or something, that would save Harry and Ron from knowing the truth at least. But Draco would add up the dates if he heard about it." Hermione explained.

"So you would rather have them hate you than know the truth, come on Hermione you are suppose to be the smartest witch of the age. I and everyone else, I am sure, will not let anything happen to you or the baby. Maybe you should come forward and have Draco locked up."

"No, I thought of that but then it would be public record, I don't want my baby to grow up with the stigma of being a rapist's child. Plus even if he was locked up he could send people after us."

"Your right, listen I know that this was hard and I don't want you to have to relive this over and over but I really think we should talk to mom before we talk to anyone else, she will know what to do." Ginny said.

Hermione nodded. "I just don't want her to hate me."

"You need to have more faith in your family Hermione. Lunch is probably ready lets go you are eating for two now we will talk to mom after lunch, but I will be there by your side, I promise, through everything, I will even hold your hand through labour if you want me to." Ginny vowed.

"Uugh, please don't bring that up yet, one thing at a time."


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione and Ginny stayed back after lunch to help Mrs Weasley with the dishes so that they would have an opportunity to speak to her alone. The boys were going to play quidditch for the afternoon and were surprised that Ginny did not want to join them but she just told them that she was going to have some girl time with Hermione and Mom. Her brothers shrugged it off but Harry gave her a piercing stare that clearly said he did not buy her story and he knew something was up but then sighed and said quietly to Ginny and Hermione "Have your time, but we will talk latter, I know something is up" then gave Ginny a kiss on the cheek and followed the Weasley boys outside.

"When did he become so observant?" asked Ginny.

"He surprised me too but then again he has been through so much and has always been more attentive then any of the other guys. But honestly he has been lied to and had things hidden from him all his life I think he just knows when someone is hiding something, especially you or me because we are so close to him, " Hermione explained.

"I hope he is not hurt" Ginny worried.

"He maybe a little but he and I have had a few talks over the years about how as much as I love him and Ron, there are somethings that really require a girl friend. He has been great at being there for me and telling me that he will get past any awkwardness about girl issues if I needed him, because I never really had any girl friends. He was even there for me during the WonWon/Lav/Lav debacle, that could not have been easy. But he knows that you and I have grown close over the years and I think he is happy for us to have each other, he will give us our girl time, but he will want to be read in at some point."

"Ok, lets go find mom before she finishes all the clean up on her own" Ginny said.

When they arrived in the kitchen Mrs Weasley already had the dishes washing them selves and was wiping down the counters. "Sorry we took so long mom, the boys were trying to get me to play, we really did want to help," Ginny apologized.

"No worries my dears I have been doing this for so long I can clean up ten times faster than you two could, this way we will have more time to talk about whatever is bothering the two of you" Mrs Weasley remarked. When both girls looked at her shocked she continued "please girls I have seven children do you not think I know when they are hiding something or need to talk, plus I could tell that both of you were crying and Hermione you have been acting strange for days. You haven't been the same since the war, none of us have but you poor dear had to face things no one ever should especially at your age. I know about what happened at Malfoy Manor, Fleur told me" at Hermione's twitch and look of pain Mrs Weasley rushed to explain "please do not be mad at her she did not want to break confidence, she just wanted me to know so that I could keep an eye on you and watch for lingering effects from prolonged exposure to the cruciatus."

"I am not upset about that, I understand, it is just that it brings back bad memories" Hermione faltered unable to bring herself to confess the truth.

"Of course dear, I am so sorry, I should not have mentioned it so callously" Mrs Weasley apologized again.

Ginny came up beside Hermione and took her hand and took a deep breath before saying "actually mom we have come to talk to you about what happened... there" she finished not wanting to say the dreadful name again.

Mrs Weasley reached out and grabbed Hermione's hand and led her to sit at the table, "I am always here for you my dear whatever you need you are like a second daughter to me, and I hope one day that my Ronald will make it official, whenever you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on I am here."

Hermione burst into tears which quickly escalated to full out sobs. Mrs Weasley rubbed her back comfortingly and Ginny took out her wand. When Mrs Weasley look at Ginny questioningly Ginny simply cast a muffliato and explained "in case one of the boys wonders in."

Hermione looked up as Ginny performed the spell and tried to calm herself enough to speak. "I don't think Ron will ever marry me Mrs Weasley, in fact he is going to hate me when he finds out."

"Finds out what dear? You two have been friends for years, I know your relationship is new but it is based on a strong foundation of friendship. I am sure you can get through anything" Mrs Weasley tried to comfort, while wondering what could possibly be so upsetting to Hermione that Ron wouldn't already know. Those three friends have been through everything together, she did not think they had secrets from each other. Nor could she fathom how three people so close could even have secrets, especially one as huge and upsetting as this one obviously was to Hermione.

Deciding that since ripping off the band aid worked with Ginny she mind as well give it a go she said "I'm pregnant."

Mrs Weasley froze, then her hands dropped from Hermione's back and she rose and took a turn around the kitchen, each movement was slow and seemed independent of the previous move, as if her brain was processing at half steam. Hermione suddenly jumped up and ran to the sink where she threw-up her lunch. Hermione's wrenching noises seemed to have jarred Mrs Weasley out of her shock and she walked back to Hermione and helped to pull her hair back and grabbed a class that she filled with water as soon as Hermione finished. "Here dear" she said handing the glass to Hermione.

Hermione swished and spat a few times then took a drink. "Thanks" she said timidly.

Mrs Weasley gave her a kind smile to let her know that she was not mad, upset a little, disappointed surly, but she still loved her. But as her mind settled she remembered that Hermione believed that this news would cause Ron to hate her, and Mrs Weasley's smile faded and a look of confused concern replaced it. "I do not understand why Ronald would hate you for this news, yes the timing is not ideal, but he will take responsibility for his actions, I raised him better than to turn away from the mother of his child" She explained comfortingly.

Hermione's head fell and she struggled to find the words, admitting that this baby was not Ron's was so much harder with Mrs Weasley than it had been with Ginny. In fact Hermione was sure that this was going to be the hardest confession, even worse than with Ron, because he would know the baby was not his, she wouldn't have to explain that, and Hermione loved and respected Mrs Weasley so much she didn't want to hurt her.

Hermione stammered but no words came out. Ginny came up and placed a arm around her shoulders and said "Mom you misunderstood, Ron is not the father."

"What?" Mrs Weasley shrieked. "I don't understand, who's is it?" Then a horrible thought entered her mind, "Is it Harry's, oh this will kill Ronald" Mrs Weasley exclaimed while plopping down into a chair.

"Why does everyone think it is Harry's?" Hermione questioned.

Mrs Weasley thought for a second, "well you two are very close and you were alone for months..."

"Well its not Harry's, we don't have that kinda relationship, plus he is madly in love with Ginny" Hermione said finally.

Mrs Wesley smiled at Hermione's mention of Harry and Ginny but this elimination left her puzzled as to who else could possibly be the father. Then a horrible thought struck her and she started to tremble, "Wait, you said you wanted to talk about what happened to you at Malfoy Manor," Mrs Weasley started to connect what the girls were trying to tell her and she felt sick at the implication. she stood, afraid she may need to relieve herself at the sink as well but continued "did this happen to you there?" she asked so softly even she barely heard her own words.

Hermione nodded as tears started to fall down her cheeks.

Mrs Weasley gasped and made a b-line for the sink where she was violently ill. When she finished she slumped to the floor sobbing and dry-heaving. "My poor girl" she kept saying over and over between sobs.

Hermione was so shocked at the intensity of Mrs Weasley's reaction that she just stood and watched unable to move even to wipe her own tears.

It was Ginny that went to comfort her mother. She got down on the floor with her and rubbed her back comfortingly, just as her mom had done for her countless times before.


End file.
